There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
