did you get engaged???
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize