my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
