There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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