Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
