walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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