Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
