either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
