Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
