Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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