Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
