I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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