i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
