that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
