either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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