I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
