friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
