Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
