we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize