I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
