I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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