Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
