she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
