I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
