Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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