As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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