She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
