theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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