when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
