this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is my gift to your gina
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
