As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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