and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
