According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
