Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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