We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I need help removing her.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
