I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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