It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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