I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
3pm strippers are depressing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
