There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
