the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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