It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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