I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
