hotel room ftw
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize