we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
