can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
