he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
