I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
