Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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