It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
