Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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