I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
