Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
