hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
