Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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