how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
