I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
