I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
