remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
