Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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