whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
