I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
