I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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