His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize