I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
