omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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