That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
