FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
