Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
