u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
